Graduation Letter to Elaina Deeter

 

Congrats upon your graduation. You are the first of the first – the first child in your family and the 1^st grandchild. I remember when you were born. We got a call that you were on the way and we drove to Louisville in the dark of night. There were flashes of lightening and rumbles of thunder in the hills of Kentucky as we made our way to the hospital. We were all overjoyed to finally see you that morning. It was quite an entrance to the world.

I understand that you plan to major in astrophysics and go work at NASA. I would remain flexible with both of those options. Keep an open mind as you take classes, you could find another area of interest that excites you even more. And I would bet that SpaceX will make it to Mars before NASA, so they could be the more exciting employer – particularly with Elon Musk at the helm.

One area where you must remain steadfast is your decision to go to Ohio State. With the recent decision of the ncaa to pay athletes, they need your money to pay for that football team. Sacrifices are needed to keep those athletes happy.

It has been a long, dreary slog to get through school. I am sure that you are happy to have this phase of your life in the rearview mirror. New adventures, new experiences, new friends await. I recall your mother saying that you are leaving the Buccs to become a Buckeye!

Now it is time for advice. To quote Shakespeare – neither a borrower nor a lender be. People have a habit of not paying you back. And credit cards are so easy to use, but so hard to pay off. Be cautious of rich kids, they have nothing to lose. My 1^st roommate had rich parents. He stayed up all night and had a good time. Did not study at all. He flunked out of course, but then there was no repercussions for failure – his parents could take care of him. Most of us do not have that luxury.

Well I have rambled on for long enough. Enjoy this day as you have earned it after 12 years of drudgery. More importantly there is money enclosed – spend it as you wish!

The Grandparents Tilton

Graduation Letter to Gabe Bieker

 

Congratulations – you did it, you graduated. It was 12 long years of the grind – wearing upon the mind and soul. Hopefully the experience did not scar you too much. And the lessons that were learned - if you are lucky maybe 10% of that you will be able to put to practical use. A lot of drudgery for so little reward. But yet you got your certificate, so that is an accomplishment.

I have not heard if you plan to pursue your education beyond high school. If you do not, I could almost see why based upon the experience that most people have in their first 12 years of school. But there is something to be said about having some sort of certificate or degree. That will put your resume to the top of the stack when you apply to jobs.

And education at the next level is different. People want to be there, in high school the majority of students are there because they have to be. But at a college or trade school, students want to be there and they are paying money to do so. They are not just putting in time, they actually want to learn. So you will be around motivated people who are actually paying attention (and tuition).

Here is some more boring advice -so try to stay awake. Keep an open mind with your career. People make changes all the time until they find their groove. Your 20's are your ramp onto the highway. Try a career or 2 or 3. You are young enough to try and fail, or start all over again from the bottom rung if need be. But by the time you are in your 30's you should be on the highway of your chosen career. This will be your peak earning years as you get into your 40's and 50's.

Ok, enough of this drivel – more importantly there is money enclosed. So spend this as you will – have fun, enjoy the freedom while you can!

Your Great Uncle and Great Aunt Tilton

graduation letter to Lilly Powell

 

Young Lilly,

Sorry that we could not make to your graduation party. But Congratulations upon your 2^nd graduation and as I understand it – there will be a third graduation in a couple of years or so. All of this with the end goal of working at a zoo. Some would say that being on campus at the University of Tennessee is like being at a zoo – so that should give you some experience. However, I don't know that I would put that on my resume.

Now you are leaving the walls of academia where all things are possible, and preparing to enter the real world where yeah all things are possible I guess – but not very probable. I recall one of my college professors stating that you will only use about 10% of what you have learned at school. And I found that to be true. College does give you a good foundation of knowledge, but more importantly it teaches you to learn. So you will be learning how things operate in the real world of zoo's or whatever fauna based endeavor you choose to pursue. Academia will get you so far and get your foot in door, but once you get that 1^st job, your real education begins.

Now I have given thought to your goal of working at a zoo. If they offer you the job of working with tigers, I would decline that – no sense losing an arm or a leg. And elephants – cleaning up after them would be hard on the back. I would offer to the zoo that they allow you to set up Lilly's guppy world. No chance of being bitten or stomped on and the clean up is easy. And no artificial limbs or back braces in your future!

But seriously your 20's are your on ramp to a career. It is easy to start, stop, and try something else. You may do very well with your original goal, but keep your mind open. Lots of people start in one career, find something more unique, more challenging, or let's face it – something that pays better. So be ready to switch if an opportunity presents itself. Your peak earning years are in your 30's and 40's, so by the time you are 30 you should have locked in on a career path.

Also I would do apartments and rent so that you are flexible. You may start at some little outfit in say Wisconsin and then a job opens up at the San Diego zoo. So you want to be nimble so you can take advantage of an opportunity when it presents itself. Also you can try different areas and find places that suits your style. Once you get the right job in the right place, then you can put down roots.

Well I sure that you will treat this graduation letter as you did your last one... gone forever I am sure. But also enclosed is a check – enjoy.

A Good Age to be

 Mr. Wolf was our gym teacher.  He was a retired Marine instructor who served during the Korean war. So he could be intimidating, particularly when we were in junior high. I recall him teaching us how to stand at attention. Thumbs along the seams of your shorts, heels together, feet pointed out at the right angles, eyes fixed straight ahead - do not move your eyes when he walked by...  Quite scary for a 13 year old.

But I learned to like him - he was my gym teacher all the way through high school, he was tough but fair and from time to time would share words of wisdom.  Some of this I even remembered (imagine that!), and even shared with some of the players I coached.

So one day at the beginning of the period he asked us what we thought was a good age to be. We gave some numbers and he began to give us his take on the subject. My memory is a bit fuzzy after 50 years or so, but here is what I recollect:

Everyone at your age wants to turn 16 and drive. And that is great at first getting your freedom and being able to drive around.  But after a few months that is going to get old.  And 18 - you graduate from high school so that is a milestone.  You get your first taste of being an adult.  21 you can drink, but like driving you will get used to that, but you are still searching, still trying to figure things out.

And you will do this during your 20's, you're working, trying to get a career going.  You are probably in a relationship and getting that stabilized.  But around the time that you are in your 30's and into your 40's you begin to figure things out. You know where you've been, you know where you are going and you begin to develop your own philosophy of life.  You should be deep in your career and your relationships have stabilized.

When you get into your 50's and 60's you are still mentally sharp, but now your body begins to let you down. You don't heal as fast and that health you had as a young person is starting to fade.  Your family will be important to you, and you will have strong relationships.  Then as you age past your 70's, you get to a certain point as you age, you will change mentally and that will also fade.

So what is a good age? The sweet spot is in your 30's and 40's - you have things figured out, you have a philosophy on life and you still have your health.  The reason I tell you this now is that you are young teenagers, you are anxious and are searching.  I wanted to let you know that things will make sense as you get older. As you age, remember this little talk and see if it isn't true. 

Steak and Eggs Breakfast

 Donnie Hair was a few of years ahead of me in school.  He was a hard hitting linebacker his senior year and rumor had it that Miami University of Oxford was interested in him.  But Donnie was not interested in college at all, he was too much into having a good (wild?) time and scholastics were not part of that life style.

So the summer of my senior year, we had gone to a softball game in Verona that evening to watch some of the girls we knew play ball. We happened to see Donnie there and said hi to him.  After the game we were all going to a road party outside of West Sonora. As I recall a couple of my friends were with me at the time, Tim Thornsberry and Jim Heltsley.  So we invited Donnie to come along since we had not seen him for awhile.

So a road party was when you went to a rural destination where there was little or no traffic on a road. And there was a parking spot where folks could pull off and park their cars.  Frequently there was a bonfire and we would sit around, listen to music (On an 8 track stereo system which was the thing at that time) and have a few beers.

This particular location was at the end of a long farmers lane by a creek outside of West Sonora.  There was a little concrete bridge there and there was plenty of room to park.  The farmer was old, lived well off the road, and his view was obstructed by all of the tree's. He may not have known that we were there or maybe he just didn't care, but we would frequently have parties there and no one ever complained.

Well things got off to a rough start when the softball game was over. As everyone was leaving, Donnie backed out of his parking spot and hit a garage on the other side of the road.  He may have been guilty of doing a little pre-gaming.  He stopped and looked at the damage.  "Hmm, well it isn't too bad." Hopped back in his car and drove away. He had broken like 3-4 boards on the side of this stand alone wood garage.  

After we all got to the road party someone started a fire and we all opened a few cool ones.  By this time it was getting dark.  We were over talking to a few of the girls when someone comes up to us and says, hey your friend is burning money in the fire.  We hustle back and sure enough Donnie, who had just gotten paid, and was tossing 20's one bill at a time into the fire!  

We were not aware of it at the time, but we found out later that Donnie had taken PCP, also known as Angels Dust. Donnie was already half crazy and as we would find out this would take him to the edge. 

So we got Donnie settled down and got him to stop burning his money and put his wallet back in his pocket.  We got back to the business at hand which involved beer and young ladies.  It did not take very long and we heard a big splash.  "What was that??", someone responded, "Hey your friend is swimming in the creek!"  

Sure enough, there is Donnie splashing around in the creek.  It took like 5 minutes of encouragement to finally get him back up on the bank. We get him over by the fire to dry off - and see that he is bleeding. When he first dove into the creek, he had hit his face on a rock.  He had a couple of cuts but the worst was that he had split his upper lip and was bleeding profusely.

About a year or so earlier a rock band named KISS had burst on the scene and was all the rage. The lead singer, Gene Simmons, was known for his stage antics - blowing fire, blood dripping from his mouth, and his long tongue.  Of course a KISS song comes on and Donnie is rocking a PCP induced Gene Simmons - standing over the fire, dripping blood from his face, and sticking out his tongue while playing air guitar.  It is an image that I will always remember.

The reaction of the girls was predictable - "Oooooh!",  "Gross",  "Somebody stop him."  Since we had invited Donnie, we felt responsible for him and got him to settle down so we could look at his lip by the fire light. It was in rough shape - he definitely needed stitches.

I recalled that there was a new doctor in Lewisburg, a Doctor Kim who was South Korean. So we get the bright idea to drive to town and get on a payphone (this was before cell phones) and get Doctor Kim to meet us at his office.  I convince him to meet us and he is surrounded by 3 half lit teenagers and a crazy Donnie Hair.  The doctor must have called the police (probably a wise a decision on his part), as they arrived about 10 minutes after he got there.  

Doctor Kim washed his hands of us so to speak by saying that Donnie needed to go to a hospital. After a quick interview by the police who wanted to know details on what happened, etc. he gave us leave to go and we were soon on our way to Good Samaritan hospital in Dayton.  

So we get Donnie checked into the emergency room and very shortly an orderly comes out to the waiting room, "You guys need to get back here and settle Donnie down, he is trying to fight the doctor and me. If you can't get him to settle down, we are going to have the cops come and get him." So we go back to the treatment area and smooth things over as best we can.  We placate Donnie enough so that the doctor and orderly can treat him and give him stitches. 

Finally it is time to leave the hospital.  Donnie seems to have come down from whatever high that he was on.  As we are driving back to Lewisburg, Donnie says hey I'm hungry lets stop at Perkins in Brookville (sadly Perkins is no longer there) and I will buy you guys steak and eggs for breakfast - just like the Marines.  Luckily Donnie had not burnt all of his money and as the sun was coming up we enjoyed the promised breakfast of steak and eggs. It was a suitable ending for a memorable night.

Postlude:  Remember that Donnie had backed into the garage?  Well someone called that in and Donnie was busted for it the next day. He had a sad incident several years later.  He did get married and he and his wife were having an argument as he was driving down the road.  He exclaimed that "I will kill us both!" and drove the car off the road.  The car flipped over and paralyzed his wife.  He just had minor injuries. That was that last that I ever heard of him.  Me and my friends were talking about this night the other day.  No one knows what ever happened to Donnie.  Either dead, in jail, or living in a homeless encampment in Los Angeles was the specuclation. 

Tim Hambee

 A fellow that I ran around with in high school passed away not long ago - Tim Hambee(sp).  We lost track of each other over time, but he was an interesting character that I remember well. We had common friends and ran in the same circles at times. He cheated death at least once not long after graduation. He was working on a cooling tower for a power plant in Florida.  One of those tall circular concrete towers that you see from time to time.  He was working on the scaffolding an lost his balance. He fell over the side, but as he was falling he managed to grab a cable.  He was hanging on for dear life as his co-workers wrangled with him and go him back onto the scaffold.  He took the rest of the day off, but was back at work the next day.  If it were me, I probably would never have started a job working at such heights, but after a near fall like that then I would have called it quits.

He also married not too long out of high school, but that marriage lasted like 2-3 months and he got divorced.  We told him that he didn't even have a chance to get the bed warm.  He said that he liked doing what he wanted to do, when he wanted to do and his wife did not fit in with that life style so he parted ways.

He had a similiar mentality when his power got turned off.  There was some dispute with billing with the electric company so they disconnected his power to his house. That night he got his revenge.  He had a lever action .44 caliber rifle.  He went down to a power substation and emptied his magazine into the transformers. I was not there, but I guess that sparks were flying.

But the story that I tell most frequently is about a weekend before graduation.  Tim was a year behind us, but was riding around with me and my friend, Mike Truax.  Mike was riding shotgun and Tim was in the back seat.  We had a can of spray paint and had written "77" on several road signs and on a highway under pass.  We were going through town so that I could drop off the guys.  As we were getting close to the stoplight in the middle of Lewisburg, Tim says, "Slow down, slow down."  So I braked the car and we were creeping along.  As I was getting ready to say what do you want? Tim leans out the car window with the spray can and proceeds to spray paint a line down the side of the Lewisburg police squad car.  We were like WTF! Dude! Needless to say we high tailed it out of town.  

Fortunately, no one saw us - or if they did, they did not report us.  But Tim was one of the wild and crazy guys, I would have liked to have seen him one more time just to see if he settled down.  I was sure that the younger Tim Hambee would have ended up dead or in jail.

The last word

 

The eulogy that I gave today at the Memorial Service:

Today we are here in Memory of my Mother, Susan Golshani. She was very independent, strong willed, witty, had a dry sense of humor, and was very much a person who never knew a stranger. She was married and divorced 4 times. She traveled quite a bit – as she told me the English love to roam the earth. She not only only marched to the beat of a different drummer, but she danced, ran, and even some times crawled to that beat. Her life was anything but mundane.

When we look at her life we need to think of a prism and it's different colors – so depending on your perspective of a prism you can see red, blue, yellow and so forth. So it is with Susan's life. At different periods of her life you will see her with different perspectives.

Her life was altered at a young age. She was born in England during World War II. But about 8 months later she lost the father that she never really knew, Eric Anthony Tweedale-Hill in the battle of El-Almein. But her Mother married an American air force captain, grandpa Freedman, who became the father that she knew for the rest of her life.

She remembered growing up that sometimes it felt like life in a fishbowl. You have an English Mother and a Jewish Father and you live in a small midwestern town in the 1950's. So you are very much an oddity, everyone is curious about you.

But it is around this time that she discovered horses and grew in love with them. The family would sometimes vacation out West and go to Dude ranches. They had a place where they kept horses here outside Lewisburg and she would sometimes ride a horse to the swimming pool in West Alexandria.

She met my Dad and married him at an early age. They lived on a farm where of course they raised horses and had 4 kids. She decided after 13 years that she had had enough of this life and left. We kids didn't understand what all was happening, but my Dad stepped up, persevered and raised us.

This was where Mom's life took a dark turn. She had married at a young age and I think she wanted to explore what all she had missed. She got into drugs and eventually got into heroin. She describes knowing people that had been shot and killed over drugs and also knew people that been the shooter over drugs. She herself had been shot at.

Once when we were talking I mentioned that I only watched a part of Breaking Bad because it was so dark and I couldn't stand what people were doing to one another. She told me that desperate people do desperate things. That the portrayal of people in that series wasn't far off.

She eventually was busted with drugs and sent to prison in Mississippi. She was able to get a pardon from the governor and was released. However a local TV station made a big stink about a drug dealer being released from prison and she was warned that the pardon was about to be revoked.

So she fled to Europe where she got a British passport. She traveled around Europe, North Africa, and spent some time in Portugal before settling down in London. I did find out later that she spent some time in jail in Europe as well.  But she met Ali Golshani at the Playboy Club. She married him and went to Iran where she helped a professor translate ancient texts into English.

But after a couple of years the Iranian Revolution happened and relatives told her that people were wanting to turn her in, so she fled across the border and back to Europe.

She had tired of life on the lam and decided to come back to America. She turned herself into the authorities in Mississippi and served her prison term. Then she came to Ohio and served out a prison sentence here. I remember visiting her at the prison in Marysville.

She was eventually released and bought a house in Dayton and settled down. But she rented the basement out to a fellow who got mixed up with a drug dealer and owed him money. The dealer decided to get revenge by getting a can of gasoline and went around the house and set it on fire.

The guy in the basement got out OK. But Mom got confused – she got lost in her own house. She ended back at the stairway and she sat down thinking this is it, I am going to die. But the guy in the basement went back in and found her and got her out.

But by that time she had 2^nd and 3^rd degree burns on almost half her body and the doctor said that she had a 25% chance to live. She had a rough go of it in the burn unit but she pulled through. I asked her about it later and she said that when they were doing debridement treatments that there were times that she wished she was dead.

After this incident, her life began to go a different direction. She bought some land in Southeast Ohio and got back into horses again. She became president of a chapter of AA in Cambridge, OH. I later found her AA tokens when she was moving out West. I never knew that she had a drinking problem but maybe she had an addictive personality that contributed to her problems with alcohol and heroin. Up until that point, I did not know of this and later when I went through her stuff, I found some letters from people thanking her for helping to change their lives around and getting sober.

At this point in her life, she seemed to have found peace and contentment. She made one last move to New Mexico to satisfy a dream that she had always had to have a ranch out West. About a year ago we had a talk there on the ranch and made our peace with one another. She apologized for leaving us. I told her that as a person we are the sum total of all of our experiences and people we deal with – both good and bad. So yes it hurt when she left but the challenges and changes that happened help shape us kids into the people that we became.

I told her that I learned from her to accept people that are different from us and by the same token, not to be afraid of being different from everyone else. To keep an open mind and also to be adventurous. We were allowed to bicycle 4 miles to town by ourselves when we were growing up – in today's world that just wouldn't happen.

So you can see her life was like a prism – at times yellow and sunny; red with turmoil; blue with sorrow and but it all came together with contentment at the end. But depending upon what part of her life that you looked at you might come up with an entirely different idea of who she was. She went from being in jail to leading an AA chapter. This teaches us that none of us are absolute sinners, or absolute saints. But our lives are various shades of grey.  That even when we sink to the depths we can come back and redeem ourselves the way that she did. I think this is a legacy she would want us to remember.

Lastly, I hope that if there any one out there that is battling addiction of any kind to know that help is out there. There is both AA and NA chapters to help any one who is battling these types of problems. Thank you all for attending.

Postscript:

So after we got to the church the winds were picking up for a front that was coming in.  The lights must have flickered 8-10 times in the 2 hours leading up to the service.  Heather and I commented that of course it couldn't be a normal day on the day of Mom's Memorial Service. But at the time it started the clouds diminished and you could see the sun shining through the windows.  The service went well and we ate afterwards.

We had a fair attendance - around 50 people, about what we anticipated. Mom had not been in Lewisburg for years. Some people did come in from out of town so we particulary thank those who went out of their way to be there.  We did get a compliment from the pastor about the grandchildren. They were very well behaved during the service.  Not quite as quiet as a church mouse, but not very far off.  I remember those days of wrangling youngsters, so compliments to the parents for their efforts.